Chiisanahito

 so many negative things on my twitter the past week so recently i followed new accounts -- starting with chuva 's actually and then it just...snowballed into quite a few others lol. so now my twitter timeline is only half horrible, and the other half is fandom X'D

further breakdown of that fandom fraction though, only half of them i can read & the other half is in japanese X'''D but yeah well like i said, it's less horrible there now.

anyway!

i think for the first time in my (working) life, i feel like i'm getting the hang of stuff. i've always felt inadequate at work especially these past couple of years; but finally i can say i'm getting a hold of myself. i just hope this will be consistent until the end of this year :3

alright not much else from me; here have a gif of Go in my most favorite look in the past 5 years えへへ。

some time last year, i was going through a tough time mentally -- work expectation was becoming so ridiculous i think my mind went sort of numb.

i had thoughts like :
"would it hurt if i crash my car while running this red light" while i was driving and waiting for the light to turn green;
"how much would it hurt if i get into an accident";
"if i went off far away without telling anyone, will everyone at home be okay";
"does death hurt?"

i mean -- it wasn't a great feeling, and everything felt terrible and honestly nothing made me happy.

then, after weeks scrolling through Spotify playlists, i came upon the new release radar playlist, and with my mind floating who-knows-where, i played it.

and then i found one band that resonated with me : My First Story.

i can't remember which of their songs was in that playlist, but i remember it being from their The Premium Symphony album. and THAT ALBUM, honestly, pulled me back from those dark times.

i played that album repeatedly for weeks, and sang to it, and basically just. became friends with it? idk but i looked forward to every chance i can take to listen to The Premium Symphony. kinda like an obsession.

i felt myself become steadily better, lesser terrible-ness, lesser horrible-ness -- i was able to vent out my frustration & rage & anger that i didn't know i had pent up inside via this one album. everything poured out. i felt relief after having spent time listening to it.

and to this day, i still remember how that chance discovery saved me.
how My First Story saved me.

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i hope you can also achieve your brighter moments, when you're faced with darker times :)