Please ignore this whining post.

[chiisanahito]

I think I started off the day quite bad.
By breaking my mom and dad's heart.
I asked them if I can change my major from Mechanical Engineering to Engineering Technology -- ME is more specific, ET is more general but covers stuff of MechE and Manufacturing Engineering if I'm not mistaken, so...
After telling that, I can hear that their voice were somewhat a bit different, but maybe it's just me, although...
They told me to hang on and don't give up, to take things slowly.

I know that.
I know I shouldn't give up and finish what I started.
But I feel helpless and useless, that I can't keep on going with something I don't have much passion on.
There are a lot of times that I've asked myself, "Why am I taking this...?"
Cuz honestly, I don't have any answers to that.

I blame it on myself though.
I didn't research enough on what I was planning to take after my high school.
I didn't look around hard enough and asked about it to anyone.
It was like I didn't know what there is to know.
Or rather, I didn't know what I didn't know.

But If you ask me now what I really want to do, I can't give a definite answer.
There's stuff that I really want to do but have no skills for them.
Like a journalist, maybe. Or a photographer. Maybe a diplomat? I dunno.
It's crazy, not knowing what to do with your life.
And I'm almost 22 this year too.

My friends are way past me.
I feel like being left behind, far behind.
They're graduating by this spring, and my other friends are also on their way to graduate.
Some of them even have internships and jobs now.

This is my problem.
I compare myself to my friends.
We're not on the same course or anything, right?
Therefore, I'm scared.
I dunno why but I just am.

Ah enough of this.
Sorry for whining.

Comments

[harakanraakku.livejournal.com]

Sometimes you don't really know yourself.
It happens. And it's okay. It's humane.
Hard it is tell when to actually quit something - stuff like "am I actually right" appears etc.

In the end you should do what your heart tells you to. Even if it would disappoint your parents--you live for yourself in the first place, don't you? And everyone have something for them, people like different things/feel affection towards. Also I believe your parents wish your happiness, even if they didn't agree with you every moment. Finns are less family-concentrated than Asians so I guess this is more individualistic view, thinking about yourself even if it was neglecting some expectations..well. I don't think it's wrong trying to grasp at something which feels closer to you.

Searching, searching. I'll be graduating next year and have no idea so far what to do after that. Maybe I'll have a gap year and try to get a job or at least I'm not gonna sit around feeling completely pointless.

I don't know what you should do but hope things will clear out. (And maybe reading this will ease the decision making. Thumbs up)

[hakitarun.livejournal.com]

AAAH!

this is.... the mindset of being where we come from... we'd scare to hurt our parents rather than scare it'll hurt us back wuuuu

yknow 22 is ok... its not to late too change major... but this is a serious thing please think nicely yeh!

and dun worry... too much >_<

iono how to say this in one comment box but i went thru the same thing too and im not the one to give advices on this haha...

...

*HUGS!*